Routine--for better and for worse. Routine can be good. It allows you to rely on the tried and true. It is safe and comfortable. But it can be humdrum and boring and has a very bad effect on motivation. So how do you keep a balance? While it would be nice to come up with creative and interesting recipes everyday (and have the energy to cook them), who really has the time? Yet I know that when I plan ahead I do well, and of course I am happy with the results.
So here is a good question...why, when I know something is good for me, do I do the opposite? If I cook well, I eat well and reach my goals. If I go to exercise regularly, only good comes from it. So why do I consciously or subconsciously fight myself on these things? Why do I knowingly sabotage myself? Have I not been down this road long enough times to have learned my lesson? How do I motivate myself to prioritize the things that will benefit me?
This does not mean that I have fallen off the wagon. Actually I am making nice progress. I have lost 8 kilos since starting this journey almost 8 weeks ago (down 11 kilos from my all time high--which actually was an all time low!). I have successfully refrained from eating all dairy products and diet soda is a fading memory. I even have been able to stop taking cholesterol medication. But I am in some kind of rut, not doing what I really need to do with the type of commitment really needed to do it. I just feel that it is still such a struggle and I so badly want it not to be that way.
So goals for this week...PLAN AHEAD. Plan to succeed. Plan to prioritize me. Plan to be positive. To change habits, it has to feel a bit forced at the beginning. Somewhere along the way, the forced habit starts to become second nature--the good aspect of routine.
Saturday, November 23, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Choice is not liberating!!
This is my first insight for this week. Usually one would think that having choices gives us more freedom and that would be liberating. To have more control to decide what to do, what to eat, what to buy, etc. I remember once going with Seth to a huge housewares store in New York. We needed to buy a spatula that could be used with a teflon pan. How difficult could that be? Well, this store had no less than 20 variations of said spatulas. We stood dumbstruck for a while, I got a stomach ache, and eventually we just grabbed something and left. Had there been only 3 varieties of spatulas then the choice would have been so much easier. Sometimes less is more.
Sadly, food poses the same challenges for me as did that spatula so many years ago. As soon as I am given choice in my diet options I start to lose control. The freedom is frightening, not liberating. As long as my list of foods was limited, I stuck to the plan 100%. True, last week I was fantasizing about having some fish (which I did, and it was yummy), part of me longs for "stage 1" and all of the restrictions that go along with it.
However, that is not realistic for the long term. So I need to learn to deal with the freedom. Choice doesn't have to mean anarchy. It can mean good choices within the rules of the system. (OMG, I sound like I go to the Democratic school!!!). In a way, I am learning to be a responsible citizen in the world of food choices.
I had some challenges this week--mostly around amounts and portion size. I have not been tempted by sugar and sweets of which there are plently wherever you go. I have indulged in coffee, but significantly less than before. While I have refrained from all diet sodas, I have been spotted stalking total strangers who are carrying a bottle of diet coke in their hands.
Exercise!!! Wish I was doing more. Here are 2 photos to prove that I do work out. One machine works on the quadriceps (legs), and the other on the pecs and deltoids (arms/shoulder). The one for the shoulder has helped me with my bursitis: my range is better and I have less pain. I hate to admit it, but exercise works.
.jpg)
(Not the most flattering photos, but still better than 7 kilos ago!)
Sadly, food poses the same challenges for me as did that spatula so many years ago. As soon as I am given choice in my diet options I start to lose control. The freedom is frightening, not liberating. As long as my list of foods was limited, I stuck to the plan 100%. True, last week I was fantasizing about having some fish (which I did, and it was yummy), part of me longs for "stage 1" and all of the restrictions that go along with it.
However, that is not realistic for the long term. So I need to learn to deal with the freedom. Choice doesn't have to mean anarchy. It can mean good choices within the rules of the system. (OMG, I sound like I go to the Democratic school!!!). In a way, I am learning to be a responsible citizen in the world of food choices.
I had some challenges this week--mostly around amounts and portion size. I have not been tempted by sugar and sweets of which there are plently wherever you go. I have indulged in coffee, but significantly less than before. While I have refrained from all diet sodas, I have been spotted stalking total strangers who are carrying a bottle of diet coke in their hands.
Exercise!!! Wish I was doing more. Here are 2 photos to prove that I do work out. One machine works on the quadriceps (legs), and the other on the pecs and deltoids (arms/shoulder). The one for the shoulder has helped me with my bursitis: my range is better and I have less pain. I hate to admit it, but exercise works.
.jpg)
(Not the most flattering photos, but still better than 7 kilos ago!)
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
Listening to my inner voice
I am happy to announce that I have successfully completed my first three weeks of detox. Before going to the naturopath last week, I felt like I was being summoned to the principal's office. Was I going to get a good grade or maybe reprimanded for having a sliver of avocado on shabbat? My anxiety was unfounded as anxiety usually is. We allow things to lose proportion in our minds, and in reality it is usually not as terrible as we anticipated. Besides, my naturopath is a really nice person.
So I passed with flying colors. As a matter of fact I did so well that she wants me to continue. I told her I was having food hallucinations so she compromised and said I could have fish twice a week. This is a reward that just a few weeks ago would have manifested itself as a piece of cheesecake or pint of ice cream (or both!).
I feel like I am paying attention to what is going into my body and appreciating it. So often when eating something (pre-detox), I ate it so fast without savoring the taste that often I didn't even remember eating it or how it tasted shortly after ingesting it.
Get ready here comes an insight: I always related to dieting as trying to not think about food--to stop the eternal inner dialogue about what to eat, how much to eat, etc. I was always telling myself to stop relating to food. But now, my inner dialogue is changing. I want to talk to myself about what I am eating--telling myself to appreciate and savor what I am eating. (There is a lot of talking going on in my head). By acknowledging and appreciating good food at the appropriate times I am significantly less obsessed with the topic of food.
This is good, because now all the time I was obsessing has been freed up and I can use that time for my schoolwork.
At Curves the other day I noticed that my exercise tunic is no longer tight fitting. I am making it to exercise 2-3 times a week. I am trying to get to a consistent 3 times a week to maximize the benefits. I just need to figure out how to get all the many things I do done while going to school and working. Curves, here I come.
Oops, forgot to mention...I am down more than 6 kilos!
So I passed with flying colors. As a matter of fact I did so well that she wants me to continue. I told her I was having food hallucinations so she compromised and said I could have fish twice a week. This is a reward that just a few weeks ago would have manifested itself as a piece of cheesecake or pint of ice cream (or both!).
I feel like I am paying attention to what is going into my body and appreciating it. So often when eating something (pre-detox), I ate it so fast without savoring the taste that often I didn't even remember eating it or how it tasted shortly after ingesting it.
Get ready here comes an insight: I always related to dieting as trying to not think about food--to stop the eternal inner dialogue about what to eat, how much to eat, etc. I was always telling myself to stop relating to food. But now, my inner dialogue is changing. I want to talk to myself about what I am eating--telling myself to appreciate and savor what I am eating. (There is a lot of talking going on in my head). By acknowledging and appreciating good food at the appropriate times I am significantly less obsessed with the topic of food.
This is good, because now all the time I was obsessing has been freed up and I can use that time for my schoolwork.
At Curves the other day I noticed that my exercise tunic is no longer tight fitting. I am making it to exercise 2-3 times a week. I am trying to get to a consistent 3 times a week to maximize the benefits. I just need to figure out how to get all the many things I do done while going to school and working. Curves, here I come.
Oops, forgot to mention...I am down more than 6 kilos!
Saturday, October 12, 2013
Routines and food fantasies
End of week two. Detox has become routine. The key to my success in sticking to the routine is preparation and planning--not an earth shattering insight, but the truth. On the days in which I prepared my food the night before it was easier to follow the program and I spent less time that day thinking about what I was going to eat.
The problem is that the routine is, in a word, boring. Although I am not hungry, and don't feel temptation at every turn (literally since we live in a country where every second storefront seems to be selling felafel, sushi, burgers, or ice cream), I am bored. There are only so many ways that one can make whole basmati rice and black rice noodles interesting.
So I have been fantasizing. Not about ice cream, but about a nice piece of broiled salmon. Or a salad with a vegetable of color (sounds like a new minority group). I'm not even fantasizng about bread, but about some gluten free alternatives.
I am looking forward to my meeting with the naturopath on Thursday when she will instruct me on the next phase of reintroducing various foods into my detoxed and purified digestive system.
In the meantime, I will continue my exercise program which I started at Curves this week. I managed to go the recommended 3 times and was pleased that I finally got myself started in an exercise program. During the intake I was told that my body fat was problematic, but I think I already knew that. A busy week ahead, but I will make sure to work it into the schedule at least 3 times. It felt good to sweat due to something other than a heat flash.
Not that I am counting--oh, who am I kidding, of course I am--I have lost 5 Kilos!!!
The problem is that the routine is, in a word, boring. Although I am not hungry, and don't feel temptation at every turn (literally since we live in a country where every second storefront seems to be selling felafel, sushi, burgers, or ice cream), I am bored. There are only so many ways that one can make whole basmati rice and black rice noodles interesting.
So I have been fantasizing. Not about ice cream, but about a nice piece of broiled salmon. Or a salad with a vegetable of color (sounds like a new minority group). I'm not even fantasizng about bread, but about some gluten free alternatives.
I am looking forward to my meeting with the naturopath on Thursday when she will instruct me on the next phase of reintroducing various foods into my detoxed and purified digestive system.
In the meantime, I will continue my exercise program which I started at Curves this week. I managed to go the recommended 3 times and was pleased that I finally got myself started in an exercise program. During the intake I was told that my body fat was problematic, but I think I already knew that. A busy week ahead, but I will make sure to work it into the schedule at least 3 times. It felt good to sweat due to something other than a heat flash.
Not that I am counting--oh, who am I kidding, of course I am--I have lost 5 Kilos!!!
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Hemp oil, cornflakes and the wedding blues....
Conclusion of week one of detox: Not as difficult as I expected. It took a lot of planning, and I got alot of strange looks, and this being Israel, I got alot of unsolicited advice...but I did it.
More difficult than limiting the foods I ingest during these 3 weeks is the lack of condiments and spices that give many foods their flavors. I love vegetables and I like the basmati rice, but rice without salt and oil is, well, just rice. So I sent an emergency sms to the naturopath asking 2 important questions: can I please use a small amount of salt, and are sushi/seaweed papers allowed? Thankfully the answer to both was yes. Cooking creatively has made the restricted diet easier, and the basmati sushi was yummy. The only thing I must swallow which I would happily do without is my daily dose of hemp oil. It tastes like you are drinking a burlap bag. And, there is no positive effects from its' cannibis origin.
Surprisingly I was not hungry most of the time. Surprisingly I didn't have a terrible caffeine withdrawal save one nasty headache on the 3rd morning. Surprisingly, I didn't cheat.
What I did almost do several times is put food into my mouth mindlessly. It made me realize how many times a day we eat stuff without even realizing that it entered our bodies. It might be tasting as we cook, licking a spoon, or as I did, put a few cornflakes in my mouth as I was transferring them from the cardboard box to the tupperware. Fortunately I caught myself and spit them out. Yay me!!
Tuesday night I had a wedding to go to. Often we think of eating at a wedding is like going out for a nice dinner. You get a full course meal, and in exchange you give a nice gift to the bride and groom to get them started in life. The bigger the gift, the more you eat to make it and even exchange. By that method the couple would have gotten nothing from me, because I only drank the water. Not to worry, they still received a generous gift.
I didn't feel deprived. I felt proud. I put my goals ahead of the temporary temptations. And those temptations are always there, be it a cake in the teachers' room, a birthday celebration, or whatever. I could still celebrate without the food. It would, however, be easier if 30 Jewish mothers weren't standing around me saying "just a bite, a small taste won't hurt" or other variations of that mantra.
Shabbat, the final frontier (of this week). To taste the challah or not to taste the challah, that is the question along with a bunch of others. I opted to forgo the challah during these 3 weeks. Perhaps not the best halachic choice, but the one I needed to make to be true to myself. I know me. If I were to take just a small bite at this point, it would open the door to other small leniencies and I don't want to take that chance. So, thankfully I made it through shabbat with ease, preparing my shakes and other foods ahead of time.
Goals for the coming week:
Exercise. Now that my body has adjusted to the initial change, I feel I am ready to exert myself. I will be returning this week to Curves for tri-weekly (that is 3x/week, not every 3 weeks!) workouts.
Consistency: Stay on the path and stick with the plan, even the hemp oil (yuk).
Oh, and by the way, I dropped 3 kilos (6.6 lbs.) in the first week. Again, yay me!!
More difficult than limiting the foods I ingest during these 3 weeks is the lack of condiments and spices that give many foods their flavors. I love vegetables and I like the basmati rice, but rice without salt and oil is, well, just rice. So I sent an emergency sms to the naturopath asking 2 important questions: can I please use a small amount of salt, and are sushi/seaweed papers allowed? Thankfully the answer to both was yes. Cooking creatively has made the restricted diet easier, and the basmati sushi was yummy. The only thing I must swallow which I would happily do without is my daily dose of hemp oil. It tastes like you are drinking a burlap bag. And, there is no positive effects from its' cannibis origin.
Surprisingly I was not hungry most of the time. Surprisingly I didn't have a terrible caffeine withdrawal save one nasty headache on the 3rd morning. Surprisingly, I didn't cheat.
What I did almost do several times is put food into my mouth mindlessly. It made me realize how many times a day we eat stuff without even realizing that it entered our bodies. It might be tasting as we cook, licking a spoon, or as I did, put a few cornflakes in my mouth as I was transferring them from the cardboard box to the tupperware. Fortunately I caught myself and spit them out. Yay me!!
Tuesday night I had a wedding to go to. Often we think of eating at a wedding is like going out for a nice dinner. You get a full course meal, and in exchange you give a nice gift to the bride and groom to get them started in life. The bigger the gift, the more you eat to make it and even exchange. By that method the couple would have gotten nothing from me, because I only drank the water. Not to worry, they still received a generous gift.
I didn't feel deprived. I felt proud. I put my goals ahead of the temporary temptations. And those temptations are always there, be it a cake in the teachers' room, a birthday celebration, or whatever. I could still celebrate without the food. It would, however, be easier if 30 Jewish mothers weren't standing around me saying "just a bite, a small taste won't hurt" or other variations of that mantra.
Shabbat, the final frontier (of this week). To taste the challah or not to taste the challah, that is the question along with a bunch of others. I opted to forgo the challah during these 3 weeks. Perhaps not the best halachic choice, but the one I needed to make to be true to myself. I know me. If I were to take just a small bite at this point, it would open the door to other small leniencies and I don't want to take that chance. So, thankfully I made it through shabbat with ease, preparing my shakes and other foods ahead of time.
Goals for the coming week:
Exercise. Now that my body has adjusted to the initial change, I feel I am ready to exert myself. I will be returning this week to Curves for tri-weekly (that is 3x/week, not every 3 weeks!) workouts.
Consistency: Stay on the path and stick with the plan, even the hemp oil (yuk).
Oh, and by the way, I dropped 3 kilos (6.6 lbs.) in the first week. Again, yay me!!
Saturday, September 28, 2013
So long Ben, Jerry and (Pepsi) Max
So concludes the 6 day food frenzy. The last hurrah -- this time I really mean it. The countdown is over. It is officially "after the chagim" and my commitment to the program is about to commence. Sitting on my kitchen counter are lots of yummy new products like aloe vera juice, concentrated green herb supplements, coconut oil, quinoa, whole basmati rice and lots of veggies and fruits which are part of the plan. There is something called "vitalis" which sounds like if it doesn't help with my digestive system, I still might benefit from shiny hair. Oh, and the kicker (literally) is I get to conclude each day with a teaspoon of hemp oil. Yes, the hemp is from a popular mind altering plant. The naturopath says it tastes bad, but I am hoping that the potential buzz could make it worthwhile. My luck, it will just give me the munchies.
So it is time to say goodbye to some dear friends who have been with me on many journeys throughout the years. They have accompanied me during difficult times and been with me at many a celebration. But the time has come to say goodbye to Ben and Jerry and to (Pepsi) Max. You'll always be in my heart, but hopefully not in my digestive system.
So it is time to say goodbye to some dear friends who have been with me on many journeys throughout the years. They have accompanied me during difficult times and been with me at many a celebration. But the time has come to say goodbye to Ben and Jerry and to (Pepsi) Max. You'll always be in my heart, but hopefully not in my digestive system.
Well folks, it is just a few minutes til midnight. Enough time to squeeze in one more glass of Pepsi Max. I am willing to risk the caffeine interferring with my sleep one last time.
Let the games begin....
Monday, September 23, 2013
Get ready, get set....go!
I haven't quite figured out why I have decided to blog this journey. I am not a particularly creative writer. I don't know if anyone is really interested in what will be the content of this blog. I don't know why I suddenly feel a compulsion to share my inner thoughts with my friends, family, and the cyber universe. But here I am, setting out on my maiden voyage. I will never again be a blogger virgin.
I am six days away from beginning by detox program. No, I have not developed an addiction to drugs or alcohol. I am confronting , yet again, my life long addiction to food. It is not a unique addiction...so many people suffer from it. I am an expert at dealing with it, albeit not successfully.
My first foray into the world of diets was in 11th grade at Diet Workshop. My starting weight then was lower than the goal weight I would set for myself today. I lost my 10 pounds, and even wore for the first (and last) time a 2 piece bathing suit. I spent the next year, putting those 10 pounds back on.
My next formal diet was when I decided to take control of my life when I was living in Boston after college. By then, the 10 pounds had turned to 20 and my new best friends were a 3 month membership to the Jenny Craig gym and a local Weight Watchers group. Off came the 20, and I made aliya as a fit and trim new immigrant.
I am proud to say that I maintained that weight for three years through the birth of my oldest daughter, and even got back close to that weight after daughter #2. I won't bore you with the ups and downs of the next 24 years, but I did it all....Weight Watchers, dieticians, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers (again), Cheli Maman diet, coaching....all temporary solutions to the addiction.
Why is it that an intelligent woman who is successful in many areas of her life, who is a master at multi-tasking, can't get it together in this department?
I can rationalize and come up with excuses for all my failures, but it comes down to this...only I can take responsibility for myself.
And now is the time.
So the journey begins...well, in 6 days.
I am six days away from beginning by detox program. No, I have not developed an addiction to drugs or alcohol. I am confronting , yet again, my life long addiction to food. It is not a unique addiction...so many people suffer from it. I am an expert at dealing with it, albeit not successfully.
My first foray into the world of diets was in 11th grade at Diet Workshop. My starting weight then was lower than the goal weight I would set for myself today. I lost my 10 pounds, and even wore for the first (and last) time a 2 piece bathing suit. I spent the next year, putting those 10 pounds back on.
My next formal diet was when I decided to take control of my life when I was living in Boston after college. By then, the 10 pounds had turned to 20 and my new best friends were a 3 month membership to the Jenny Craig gym and a local Weight Watchers group. Off came the 20, and I made aliya as a fit and trim new immigrant.
I am proud to say that I maintained that weight for three years through the birth of my oldest daughter, and even got back close to that weight after daughter #2. I won't bore you with the ups and downs of the next 24 years, but I did it all....Weight Watchers, dieticians, Overeaters Anonymous, Weight Watchers (again), Cheli Maman diet, coaching....all temporary solutions to the addiction.
Why is it that an intelligent woman who is successful in many areas of her life, who is a master at multi-tasking, can't get it together in this department?
I can rationalize and come up with excuses for all my failures, but it comes down to this...only I can take responsibility for myself.
And now is the time.
So the journey begins...well, in 6 days.
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